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Entry #6 - Change

5/25/25-6/??/25

I've never been good at change.

In all likelihood stemmed from a combination autism, self-doubt and history. Change tends to place me in a worse position than before. Losing things, friends, pieces of myself, whole selves. Often when change is for the better, it is still accompanied by tremendous pain. Having the wonderful friends I have now is a fantastic change, and losing the things previously holding me back was a victory, but it came alongside months of injury and soul-sucking madness as I retread those first few steps of relationships. I hate retracing my steps, socially. Ironic, considering I love Metroidvanias. Being placed right back into that awful part of meeting folks where they do not truly know you, and each individual thing you might say could be taken entirely differently than you intended. I digress.

However, life is not defined by its aversion to change. Both the lives we lead as creatures, and life itself, are constantly in flux. We are defined in opposition, and association to entropy. Yet much like a mortal enemy in a noble hero, we reflect it in our very existence. Change is entropic. It is also deeply nonentropic.

As I write this, I stand on the foothills of a very large change for myself. A relaunch of who I am, a redefinition of the symbols I fly, an audit of everything that defines me down to the species I am. It's hard not to feel fear as I look at where I wish to be. But fighting this is impossible, you must move with the times or the times will move you. Instead I must embrace it, enjoy the journey to the summit, and remember those who perished on the climb.

I wrote in my previous blog post more than six months ago about how it might be my last. I am lucky much has changed in the meantime. I am lucky things will continue to change, so that I will always have something to write about.

Welcome to the new site. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it.

 - Hex

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